I’d like to introduce Bella, my sisters lodger and friend.
She’s a “Romanian rescue”, adopted by my sister a few years ago.
It’s been difficult for her to adjust to a new life in the UK. Her life history means that she’s fundamentally highly strung and it doesn’t take much to unsettle her. A suspicious looking bin or other inanimate object can mean a wide birth or even a complete reroute.
Over this past year we’ve been spending regular mornings together on walks out in the Peak District. It’s the best way to start the day.
It’s out on these walks that I’ve seen her more at ease than in any other situations. I’d even go as far to say I’ve seen her smiling.
When she’s out in the open and (wildlife allowing) she can run, she seems to find a state of being that we all seek (consciously or unconsciously).
It’s the zone where we are truly in the moment, happy to experience our existence right there and then as just another tiny piece of the universe. It’s a state of feeling absolutely at ease and content.
Often the term is to ‘find’ peace, but actually that seems misleading. It could be argued that peace is always there, the tricky part is learning to notice and enjoy it or getting better at creating conditions that promote the experience.
Really inner peace is a skill to learn, develop and practice.
I’d never realised until I began to study meditation with conviction, that this conscious and deliberate attention, was more commonly referred to as mindfulness; a modern term for a particular form of buddhist meditation.
(I thought mindfulness was just for the new pseudo hippies….!)
We tend to gravitate towards tasks or activities that allow us into this state, without conscious acknowledgment. I instinctively crave the pleasure of skiing (especially on a powder day), trudging up a big hill or certain types of cooking. A state of movement which requires attention to the moment, or intense effort in a workout will eclipse most thoughts of the future or history. Equally a task that you enjoy, that requires a degree of concentration can facilitate a state of ‘flow’ where you are fully immersed, the concept of time fades to the background and you find a kind of mental quiet.
If you are fortunate you can maybe even find a job or career that encompasses this phenomenon, giving gravity to the urban proverb.
Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
A wise soul
The first step is the ability to actively notice the moments where you feel settled and happy; a simple yet elusive task. You don’t need to do anything but simply pay attention and resist the consuming waves of distraction and thoughts (an even more elusive task!) . There are loads of Apps out there that can help teach you to do this but the two best ones I’ve come across are Waking Up and Headspace. They both have slightly different approaches and styles but all that really matters is that they resonate in some way, that the guidance has value and that it encourages you to practice.
Mindfulness is fundamentally pretty simple but it does take practice and a bit of instruction before you really start to ‘get it’.
Initially I was resistant to meditation, largely due to misunderstanding. For a lot of men like me, cynical, middle aged and a little flabby round the waist, the lazy and easy response is to dismiss the activity base on ignorance and referencing a stereotype. The ‘hippy-yoga-type’, an excess of beads, maybe some tie dye or floaty fabrics, incense in the air and a good waft of spiritual superiority.
It’s such a cliche but unfortunately still actively present, it just has a contemporary twist. There’s big money in wellness (I grind my teeth at that word) as just another aspirational box to tick. So many will still portray spiritual and physical superiority with well curated Instagram feeds of idyllic wellness, spiritual success and a perfect One-Legged King Pigeon Pose II.
#morespiritualthanyou
#smug
#wellnessforbeautifulpeople
#mylifeisbetterthanyours
#compareyourself
#sooolucky
Unfortunately this type of lifestyle branding misses the point and does nothing to encourage the value of meditation as a life skill for everyone. It’s an alienating form of material spiritualism that is exclusive rather than inclusive and focuses utterly on the ego (contrary to what the practice is trying to achieve).
Ironic really.
Rather than paying attention to this, it’s more useful to pay attention to those who are genuinely finding peace despite a tendency to be anxious, through the practice of meditation.
In my case it’s learning how to be a bit more Bella and accepting that actually, I still really like tie-dye.
